I married a human being, not an obstinate brick wall. I’m not sure how this is a blue collar vs. white collar issue? Honestly, if he’s having this much difficulty (and giving this much resistance to) with the blue to white collar transition, he may be happier back in his previous position. I say this as someone who got so miserable at my last job my now-husband had to give me a wakeup talk about how the job was clearly making me miserable and actually pretty unpleasant to be around, so I needed to think about what would pull me out of that funk. This. It seems clear that tuition reimbursement and further certification were mentioned at the hiring process. OP’s husband has no seniority, no certification, and apparently a very bad attitude about the job. This is the kind of thing my 12 year old students say: But I’m noticing the last point–if improvement of his health condition has improved his attendance/work behavior, is it possible that the health issues (possibly in addition to COVID mental health issues) really were impacting his work? a. be accountable for the quality and quantity of work produced. My last ex was a retail worker who of course hated his jobs, and let’s just say his performance would go down, he’d suddenly be late a lot, blah blah blah…didn’t hold down a job for longer than 6-9 months. But they’re very understandable. He wanted the pay. How to free up time for meaningful work Subscribe ... sheer quantity of meetings crowds out solo work, and poor scheduling disrupts critical deep thinking. Having gone from blue-collar to white-collar work, the transition is a little odd and I imagine that’s amplified by the fact that Jim’s spent most of his life working the line but it shouldn’t have taken two years to transition and get to grips with the expectations of working in white collar. If he’s willing, there are some very good books that can take you through self-guided treatment for anxiety-related procrastination. If he doesnt do anything different (which is a choice) he can expect the same outcome. I would wait until Jim has proven that he is turning things around. ploy to take the decision to leave this job he’s had for decades out of his hands. Primavera required trained experienced experts to operate as it’s not a user-friendly software. Overwhelmingly, it’s a huge cultural difference. Get your own finances as much in order as they can be. Other than that, I’m not sure there’s much you can do. Anyone with chronic illness or chronic pain has to figure out a solution. I have thought for a long time now that “laziness” is a crutch for not having to look closer at a situation and figure out what is actually going on. These are realities being discussed. Makes me think of that old saying: Your husband’s resentment (and anger) is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. He can’t continue as he has been and change is imperative. I was thinking that too! Old traumas, perhaps? In any case, your boss really should have explained to you how to manage the time sheets when you first started. I think you need to approach this with a “You admitted to X, I see and hear you doing Y…..and this is how it could affect our family, marriage, finances etc. Honestly, this might be the best bombshell to get through to him. That’s really different than choosing to leave it voluntarily, and may have brought up a lot of issues of identity and meaning, especially if he was invested in the general toxic narratives we have that “masculinity” means being physically strong or in the ableist narratives we have that productivity equals worth. Yes, his bosses don’t want him to take so many sick days. “Sure I can do it; been doing it forever!” Also, Old Job was probably rigid, meaning that worker actions and responsibilities were very defined. Behind the anger is probably some FEAR. Hiring good writers is one of the key points in providing high-quality services. You say he’s making less and is working with someone with more experience and tenure. the best time of day to apply for jobs, working for an unethical industry, and more, when asked about salary, I say “I’ll start for $X and earn the rest through merit”. There was a backup plan for if my partner loses her job. It worked for me with my ADHD. You’re in a frustrating situation, but I think you need to focus on protecting yourself financially and knowing your own values (e.g., do you want to be with someone who’d rather falsify their timesheet regularly than seek treatment for a health issue). The company will see lying as lying – someone else lies also so I thought it was ok is not a defense. Consider telling him this is coming, even record such conversations of legal in your location (overkill, maybe not, denial is a hell of a drug). Your views of the situation seem objective to me. Similarly, projects with a high degree of complexity usually result in complex plans, schedules, and estimations. I would pivot to problem solving because it focuses back on what is in your husband’s control. I used to represent people in Social Security Disability cases (US). We offer high-quality papers at a reasonably low price. I don’t know if he’s physically up to doing any blue collar jobs or if maybe different tasks would still be OK. But, I do wonder if he may be one of the few workers who are used to toeing the line of “do as little as possible without getting fired” who now lacks the knowledge of where the line is. BUT when I am at work, she calls and lets me know where she is (dropping kids off) and when she will be in (45 minutes from now) and she asks how my morning is going so far (anything special I need to know right now?). My understanding is that management thinks both of them are working their scheduled hours. They constantly badmouthed my father who just sat at a desk doing nothing while they had to work hard for a lot less money; there was a lot of macho posturing around their superiority and his ‘easy life’. They have a real, legitimate, painful chronic medical condition but won’t do what they can to help it. My husband is having his own bad attitude transitional issues around work and I’ve demanded that we go to couples therapy. Construction projects are one-off strives with many distinctive features like a long period, abominable environment, complicated processes, financial intensity, and such technological and organizational complexity creates enormous risks which resulted in the form of delay in completion and cost overrun. I nagged him and went about everything in the wrong way. This review is concerned with those who work other schedules either on shifts or with extended hours which transcend the day-night work-sleep pattern. A couple of suggestions for you in talking with him — one is focusing on his values. I haven’t myself worked a blue-collar job, though most of my family’s older generation did, and I suppose this might vary by country/field etc.. It really sounds like covid has had a serious affect on his mental and physical health and is exacerbating tensions he was already feeling. Yeah, there’s no way he hasn’t been this much of an ass (sorry, but that’s what I’m seeing here) before. To attain the proper control on change in project scope, it is necessary to first identify the fact that change is inevitable in the project and could equally be beneficial to the entire project success. I think it’s time to head back to the blue collar life. If he is on this train of stupidity and dug in as he seems to be you can’t convince him to get off it any more then you can convince someone to quit smoking before they are ready to quit. If he does want to make it work I would have him sit down and make a timeline for himself to complete all the certification that the company has set for him and work on achieving those goals. It’s all an expectation that someone else will handle it or will tell you exactly what to do and you’ll only do it if it’s right there for you and you’re forced to take the action. But there’s definitely something going on under the surface with him here. I chose to but many others wouldn’t. If it does, you’ll be ready. How true that was! Thise are big things that one doesn’t generally just forget. Especially a couple years in, this doesn’t sound like a “blue collar-to-white collar” adjustment, this sounds like a mental health concern. Because this guy is heading towards getting fired and your good advice isn’t necessarily going to stop him. If they say no though, that they actually want to just continue the way things are and torpedo their job….then my sincerest sympathies mate – because that’s a serious issue that needs professional help. Before you comment: Please be kind, stay on-topic, and follow the site's commenting rules. Maybe he was one of the “top dogs” at his old job, and resents the change. But to nudge him past the “unfairness” angle of this into “Okay, but what can we *do*?”. And still thinks that he deserves a giant bonus for … reasons? He couldn’t seem to compute that her work didn’t require the same strict schedule. One thing that strikes me is why doesn’t your husband know where Bob is? I don’t think his mental state and anger at how put-upon he thinks he is will improve if he loses his job – are you willing to deal with that? . Working in an office has a ton of unspoken rules and I figured out pretty quickly that I was going to crash and burn if I didn’t take the time to find mentors and ask questions. This will lead the incorrect application of techniques in achieving successful results, such because the actual execution section of the project unfolds these design errors in the later stage, attempts to correct it will cause a time delay and value cost overrun. Bob and Jim are both stating that they work their full 8 hours per day, but Bob is only in the building for a maximum of 5 hours per day. 7.1 INTRODUCTION Productivity has now become an everyday watch word. He’s been told that it’s not. I was married to a liar and slacker, and I wouldn’t wish that hell on anyone. Most of my adult working life was in the military, so I can’t speak to civilian blue-collar to white-collar transition. (For me it was getting a new job.). You can report an ad, tech, or typo issue here. He is not recognizing his role in this. it’s not the worst thing to do. It seems as if Jim is off track in his thinking, whether it is strictly job related (not seeing that Bob, being a long time employee might have perks not given to a newcomer), or career related (not acknowledging it was a mistake to make the change), or health related (believing he is seriously ill if he’s not). Co-signing this approach. In a vacuum you’d assume he’d get better at the job, or at least better at covering up his deficiencies. Once Jim is able to open up about what is driving his actions, the path forward may become clearer. And suddenly we were having a real conversation. Either way I hope for all your sakes that a positive resolution arises soon. Even if he thinks he can worm his way into what he thinks this coworker has it obviously is not working and he will pay the price. Boom, you nailed what’s at the heart of the collar-hue difference that people are trying to suss out here. This doesn’t mean they are bad or broken, but it does really limit what jobs they’ll find comfortable. My first thought was, “Girl, leave.” This is likely his personality and I bet the marriage is not a pleasant one. I’m wondering if the reason he hasn’t got his certification yet, is because he really doesn’t want to? Falsifying timesheets and not showing up to work on time are not blue-collar norms. I support this. When you admit that your performance is sub-par because you’re annoyed, how are you surprised that you’re not getting the full bonus?”, Not all of these things need to be said at once, but this is not time for sympathy or empathy. Not suggesting that they should be considered on a par with Bob’s work in any way. But there wasn’t any bargaining about vacation time or salary – it was all set in stone based on seniority. We believe that if you do not get exactly what you ordered, you have every right to your money. So, can you suggest a vision for the future that isn’t this job. I spoke up a few times in their defense, and my team members looked at me like I was an alien–they just couldn’t comprehend the perspective of an hourly worker, and they didn’t know why I had any respect for them. One was for sick/PTO accruals and the other was for health insurance. Will he have to switch industries? I do understand and recognize that the beliefs and values we absorb from our family of origin are powerful influences over our choices. And his excuse is that “nobody reminded him.” Ye gods. The reverse can be true as well. However, it sounds like even that might have broken down if she wasn’t willing to get treatment / medical documentation. Project Management & Scheduling, Residential & Commercial Quick-Card by Builder's Book, Inc. Update the calendar as new appointments are scheduled. Not Bob, not the managers, and not husband, himself. Losing that is hard when you become ‘those people.’. But even if that’s not the case, assuming norms from a single other employee is not going to fly a lot of the time. In response to these external factors, swiftly adjusting production schedules while improving product QCD (quality, cost and delivery) is a major challenge. I am wishing you both the best. “…nothing turns a man into a whiny baby faster than a nagging wife…”. Time for tough love. TLDR: Bob’s a cad, Jim. Change in project scope could be due to poor initial project scope definition, miscalculation of inherent risks and uncertainties, project funding issues, change in the interest of the client or force majeure, etc. Thiiiis. No, but he made some money, and steady money all the time, was better than fabulous money for a year and then unemployment for a year. I didn’t realize I was meant to be there for certain hours on Sundays (the weekend day I had to work), even if there was no work to be done. Now I get it and support his choice. When I started working in my chosen field, it was a huge shift. Since the OP’s husband is already getting bad reviews, this would be an easy way to get rid of him. Maybe he does some things off site; maybe he has negotiated different hours due to some issue he has; maybe he does some projects WFH. Guess I worded this wrong. I made a career change a few years ago: I changed from being a specialist in one sector, where I was 99% of the time the most informed person in the room on my subject matter, to a job where 99% of the time everyone else in the room understood more than me. That could be how Jim feels. You have probably already talked to him enough about this that he tunes you out. You are already being clear. If he is not willing to look within himself to find new approaches, then in all honesty I think the best thing you can do is to ensure that you maintain a solid nest-egg of at least six months’ worth of expenses at all times. He needs to grow up and fix his attitude, either at this job or moving to a new one. His manager would notice and his coworkers would notice. I know that’s personal advice, and I’m sorry, but it’s really all I have. I have a friend who sounds quite a bit like Jim, and when she tells me all the things that are going wrong in her life and all the things people are doing to her, I ask her, “What are *you* going to do about that? Based upon the Engineer Estimate all economic benefits and calculations are done that’s why engineer estimate needs realistic cost figures. Any attempts on your part to explain where his management is coming from will be seen as you picking sides, OP, even though you’re not wrong and your intentions are good. Yeah, it’s not this. He’s on track to get fired, as you realize, so the question is would he rather be right or employed? Whatever is going on now is on his plate: If the place is unfair, he needs to start job hunting, but if it’s not he either needs to start job hunting, anyway, for something the doesn’t hate or he needs to decide that he wants this job and act accordingly. I’m not sure what to make of the sick day portion of this letter. With proposed planning deliverables and inadequate planning outcomes in delayed project completion, cost overruns, and poor quality work among other things. It might be more effective coming from a third party that he respects. Cons. Yeah, it’s scary to think about, especially right now, but the OP needs to consider the fact that he’s setting himself up for a firing, and plan accordingly. Sounds mostly like he needs a come-to-Jesus attitude adjustment toward this job, his role in it, the expectations, and his role as it relates to Bob. He had some phone etiquette, but not *office* phone etiquette. Ooh I feel this! There’s no shame in something not working out, particularly if the alternative is to continue living with a chip on the shoulder. I think your husband is holding onto his blue collar identify because they do physical labor so therefore must work harder than those crunching numbers. You can’t care about your husband’s career success *for* him; he has to bring that caring himself. Still, the husband shouldn’t need to take a year to adjust to it. If my in-office schedule was compared to my peers it would look unfair because I often come in late / leave early – BUT it’s because I’m in a global position and have to take meetings/calls across all time zones so if I’m on calls from 4-7am & 8-10pm, I reclaim time when/where I can. It completely defeated the point of having flexible timetables. Copy an existing bill of material and make changes for a new item. You can point out to your husband that WHEN the company decides to press criminal level charges against him for wage theft, his rebuttal that “Bob does it, too!” will not hold up in criminal court. Price. You can’t force someone to change, so you should prepare for an upcoming firing. LW, you can’t, and shouldn’t be, your husband’s career coach or therapist. That would be great, but I don’t think it should be your main objective. If my husband was doing that I would be livid honestly, because that is putting the entire family income into risk (and I work full time too but we budget based on both our incomes). My therapist suggested sitting down and making a plan together instead of just saying “you need to do this!” and it worked for me. ): I interpreted this as “he has the resources and recourse to manage or mitigate the issues, but is not doing so, which is causing him to be more absent than if he were receiving regular treatment.” For example, if I was not regularly seeing my physicians, taking my meds as needed, and doing the at-home exercises that keep me mobile, I would be out several times a month. “I forgot this very important training I was told I needed” really demonstrates that Jim needs closer supervision; he’s not prepared to self-direct his work and training. If he’s used to working a very structured everyone on the same page job I could almost see how he’d emulate another employee because that’s what used to be. I was supposed to be at work until a certain time, so even if I left early, I put down that time. All the things that have changed for him are things he does not value and he took a pay cut! This does not sound typical. ”. I think you need to have a direct conversation with him about his health and the job and the impact on the family. He knows when he needs to take a day off, and that’s better than him throwing his back out or something similar. It is not easy to get away with things in that environment in my experience (When I was hourly in a manufacturing office environment I was not given any leeway). Don’t care. Also, OP, I had an ex who had mental health struggles he did not address, was perennially under- or unemployed, and complained a lot and did the external locus of control thing. I would recommend figuring out how to get him to an occupational therapist, who can gently advise him that his notions about his job are unrealistic and who can assist him in determining whether another type of work would be better for him. Managers only cared about your numbers, how well you do in that regard. Maybe if his wife or managers could talk to him from that perspective and help him with his self esteem it may help him to listen. I don’t think people generally want unsolicited advice from their spouses, unfortunately. and is choosing to do so, anyways. OP, put yourself on the side of trying to draw out the best in your spouse. It can also be a sign of extreme anxiety – if he feels overwhelmed then he could be avoiding work, Bob, etc. He is now in treatment with a specialist after an incident last month when he had to go to the ER and wound up being referred to a specialist. And the test takes place each day. High productivity refers to doing the work in a shortest possible time with least expenditure on inputs without sacrificing quality and with minimum wastage of resources. Everything is a trade-off. I would think coming from a blue collar world would make you more regimented because of the focus on clocking in and out at a certain time. Roles, managers, and the urgency of work that has to get done all plays into it as well. For all the above–my post and the posts above me–I only see one resolution and it’s the one he’s fast-tracking: Jim needs to leave this job. This REALLY frustrated me at first before I understood it. Put all opti0ns on the table, even ones that are really out there, might help him start really thinking about it. Honestly, I’d stick to #1 only. Probably not this post at first, if you think he’d shut down instead of listening, but another post that explains how pay structures and sick day expectations and other business things usually work. You might look into therapy to help you sort out dealing with this very difficult situation. Add in that he’s coming into this mid-career, and probably feels pressure to not struggle. That’s a recipe for major mental strain, even before you add in a chronic health problem. I’m not sure what you mean by “husband’s years of work were not being acknowledged”. A friend said to be sure my spouse picked up a hobby or he’d drive me crazy. How would they acknowledge his years of experience doing something else? He worked through the pile. They are fully formed human beings who are deliberately choosing to devalue and ignore advice that they don’t like. Definitely have a serious talk with your husband about the falsification of time sheets and his appalling performance review as well as the serious impact of him losing his job on your family. It is possible that he accepted a role that turned out to be too different from what he imagined and he has created some inner thought process to avoid admitting that-or that he is having a confidence issue that may be solvable. (If it is not, no problem!). You made vows to each other. And he might or might not tell the truth if he did speak to a professional. Absenteeism, timesheet fudging and staying up to date on certifications are, if anything, *more* of an issue in the trades than in many office jobs! Yeah, a lot of what op describes sounds like the excuses my ex always had. “You are sabotaging yourself in this position and are at risk of getting yourself fired. Right. So if he receives any criticism, it spirals him. I’m truly sorry OP. Maybe ask for someone to help him come up with a reasonable timeline – with specific steps – for getting his certifications. It sounds like that’s not an option for health reasons. If he feels he’s ‘beneath’ Bob in terms of job status and having to come into this new job at a more entry/lower level, he might be having issues with pride and his sense of self as a man. In the end he wouldn’t change, squandered a good union opportunity, bounced between low-paying pt jobs, and always had more excuses. Typically it’s fair but not equal, and that’s something he really needs to come to terms with. So what was the point in getting in early? Your husband clearly values fairness, but what else? My parents and in-laws genuinely can’t understand that we don’t take our “paid breaks” or clock in/out, or the fact that we aren’t paid on an hourly basis. Jim may not know about his if he does. Perhaps moving away from Bob and all that Bob symbolizes to him would give your husband a new lease on his work-life. A wife cannot be her husband’s job coach especially in this situation where he is defensive and resistant without it destroying their relationship and not doing much good anyway. Bob has more seniority, more skills, the required certification, apparently a better attitude, and isn’t fudging his timesheets–it seems pretty fair by any measures that he would get paid more. In my first office job, I ended up getting fired for falsifying time sheets because I didn’t understand that I couldn’t just make my own hours (I was salaried). They made the transition and they can guide him but your husband must be cooperative or it won’t work. I’ll bring up counselling too because I think there has to be some mental health stuff incorporated here. Thanks for this recommendation! The main thing I’ve noticed (and have found quite refreshing) is that, there’s no office politics or game playing, and the hierarchy is clear and unambiguous. So I made an appointment for you with ______________. Manufacturing jobs are typically the type where you can’t be one minute late and the policies are super strict. Your husband sounds entitled and out of touch, and falsifying time sheets is a serious issue, and quite frankly he’s mega lucky he hasn’t been caught and fired. However, through AA – therapy and the like, I really noticed destructive work patterns. Vivien Goldstrong is a Consultant, Author and Planning Manager with 22 years of experience and expertise in implementation and consultancy related to Oracle Primavera P6. He obviously knows you’re not supposed to be late/skip, falsify reports, etc. So far it is working. IMO Jim’s problem is that he’s no longer closely supervised and his new job requires him to be somewhat self-directed and he is not suited for this work. Similarly, issues like broken … I had dragged my feet for close to 3 to 4 years when I was depressed. Good point. That was my thought too. But the thing is, he never enjoyed the blue collar work. He might be in more pain than he’s letting on if it’s still a physical job, but that’s just speculation. Did he lament that sometimes? It really sounds like: Re: things you can control, is there any sort of Plan B scenario you can consider if Jim does lose his job? Seconded. b. know how their work is evaluated and the results of evaluation. – He had workplace injuries caused by the repetitive work at his last job that were going to force him into LTD if he didn’t make a change. If he had a magic wand, how many sick days would he take? Some families do live off one income, but for a lot of them that would involve selling their house and severe lifestyle changes. However, on-going laziness to me is probably the result of unaddressed underlying problems. There might be some blue collar jobs out there that are less physically demanding. I’d suggest he try to preserve the reference and get out ASAP. For example, in every office job I’ve had, they expect you to do the work of the next position for some time (six months, a year) *before* they give you the raise and promotion; so you are in effect doing more valuable work without the pay at first. The OP (The Wife) – I read some of your responses and it seems like your husband was forced to make a change that he might not have wanted to make. One example could be that in a manufacturing setting people often times are not allowed to chat with each other because of safety concerns and the potential of being distracted. When you see others get ahead in ‘easy jobs’ while you are scrabbling to make a buck with physical labor, it helps shore up your ego to denigrate those people. I’d be talking to a divorce lawyer. It was not easy (it still isn’t, I want to be outside, not at a desk! It is crucial to the welfare of industrial firm as well as for the economic progress of the country. My husband thinks that if Bob is doing that, then he should be allowed to as well, so he leaves the house at 9, arriving at work at 10 or 10:30 those weeks. The whole “white collar” types have an easier time hiding their worst behaviors in public and smaller groups. I agree. It isn’t caddish, for example, to work from home in the mornings and arrive at the office later. He’s almost copying Bob’s behaviour with time off and leaving early/coming in late as a way to try and equalise that disparity between them. He’s looking to transition to an office environment from having worked retail, service or manual labor type jobs where there is a lot of leeway with regard to behavior, personality, etc. If Bob went out an injured people would that make it okay for the hubby to do that also? His attendance has improved since starting the new meds, which I’m very happy about. It’s all about being able to adapt yourself to the situation, some people are better at it than others. My husband had a difficult time adjusting to the differing expectations between himself and Bob. I had a white collar trained husband with a university degree, from blue collar family that got fired over and over and over again for this very attitude. Managing complex projects need experience, expertise, and exposure. Right now his temporary work is over and now he needs to figure out his actual career job. This Quick-Card covers the basics of taking your contracting business to the next level. Instead, narrow it down and go into detail. I don’t know what that would do to your family finances, but I think you need to have a big picture conversation about whether he even wants to do well in his new role, or if he’d rather just go back to his old one. His health problems are very real, but he was not seeking medical help until recently due to his doctor not taking him seriously and subsequently thinking that it must not be that big of a deal. i.e. If Bob is fudging time, he will get found out. When I finally got hired as a real, salaried employee, I thought I knew how everything worked without having to ask.
Raspberry Pi Powered Telescope, Are These Triangles Congruent Quizizz, Witcher 3 New Game Plus How To Start, Altemeier Procedure Complications, Warm Water For Unblocking Fallopian Tubes, Corgi Puppies Louisiana, Bathroom Mirror Height Uk,
Recent Comments